


what could've been

by 1deadpoet1



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: M/M, Sad and Happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:40:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28477056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1deadpoet1/pseuds/1deadpoet1
Summary: It's a very short sort of happy and sad thing. Give it a try, and if you do I hope you like it!
Kudos: 8





	what could've been

**Author's Note:**

> It's a very short sort of happy and sad thing. Give it a try, and if you do I hope you like it!

The Perry house was in a quiet, gloomy sleep. That is until a soft click of a door followed by soft footsteps rang through the house. After walking around the study, Neil stands in front of his father’s desk. Opening the top drawer, he reaches in the back, pulls out a key, and with it he unlocks the bottom drawer of the desk. Sitting in this drawer is a revolver.

The night seemed too quiet considering the war pillaging inside him. His father, a person that was supposed to love him and care for his interests and needs, drowned him, suffocated him. And he didn’t stop there, one hand around his neck still, Mr. Perry grabbed a dagger with the other and stuck it into his son’s heart. Neil could see it right there on his chest, haunting him, teasing him, weakening him.

His life isn’t his. It’s his father’s. He can’t do this anymore. His world was engulfed with darkness; Neil yearned for light. He wanted peace. 

His thoughts went to Mr. Keating. Oh how different life would’ve been if Mr. Keating was his father. He would’ve made him proud at the theater, he would’ve been celebrating with the boys right now, and maybe, just maybe, he would’ve stood a chance with todd.

Todd. He can’t and won’t bring himself to think of him, it’s too painful. Charlie, Knox, Meeks, Pitts, Cameron.. “I hope they live their best lives; I hope carpe diem wouldn’t be their longing wish, but their reality.”

-

Todd couldn't decipher why he's still awake. He was exhausted from a long day, comfortable in his warm bed, convinced he was going to sleep till noon. so why where his eyes refusing to shut?! Maybe he got used to saying goodnight to Neil, got used to his presence. It was hilarious how worried he was about his roommate, how he imagined him to be an obnoxious, rude, selfish jerk when his mate turned out anything but. "I wonder how Neil is doing" he thought. Then another thought came to his mind, "why not see for myself?"

The perry house was quiet, gloomy, awaiting for a horrifying catastrophe. Neil's hand was shaking vigorously, his heart bulging out of his chest; chanting what's occupying his mind and soul "i can't do this, i can't do this im trapped i can't i can't".

Todd, whose upper half is sticking through a certain Mr. Perry’s window, found his friend nowhere in sight. He climbed through, confused, "maybe he went to get a cup of water?" Anderson asked. He stood there for a moment contemplating whether to go downstairs or wait for him here. “Oh he’s going to be so surprised! I even climbed up a window! Oh to hell with it I’m not waiting”

Going down the stairs, carefully as not to wake up you know who, he heard some movements from one of rooms, so he walked in, and froze.

"Neil?" he whispered.

The standing poet tried to blink, once, twice, still the horrifying image in front of him wouldn’t change. The image of Neil, his Neil, the outgoing boy who introduced himself with confidence. The boy who encouraged him to be himself. The boy that threw his stupid desk set. The boy he spent hours helping rehearse, the boy who he read to. The boy he opened up to, the boy who stole his poem, the boy who occupied his thoughs. That boy, his boy.

His boy was suffering, his boy was slipping away from him, his boy-

"Neil?" he whispered. It was so soft, so fragile, so low he didn't hear himself.

But Neil heard, Neil looked up and there was todd.

He was so scared of finding his father, god knows that was the last person he ever wanted to see. But no, it was todd and somehow he would’ve chosen his father to see him over todd.

Todd's face turned yellow, a tear slipped down his cheeks. A tear was what tore apart what little sanity Neil had left. He broke down, brought the gun to his chest, almost like one holds their lover. He clung to it, afraid someone was gonna take it away. afraid someone was gonna take his choice away from him. afraid that todd would make him stay, because todd can make him stay. todd can make him do anything with just one look.

The latter forced his legs to move, and dashed towards the bog clinging to his gun. He grabbed his arms, looked him right in the eye and breathed out “you maniac”.

He pulled him to his chest, "Neil, it's todd im here, i'm right here. everything's okay yeah? everything's okay"

"...Todd?" With a heart shattering, todd replied "yes neil, todd, im here i got you. You’re not alone, we’ll figure it out together okay?”

This went on for another ten, twenty, thirty minutes, or was it hours? Time felt inconsistent, the boys lost sight of their surroundings, lost sight of their reality. It didn't matter anyway, what mattered was them. How they were holding one another so tightly scared that the other would vanish if they didn't.

How Neil could swear he heard a voice in his head say "maybe we can".

Todd opened his eyes, he woke up to thunder. Looking around, he remembered laying on Neil’s bed and falling asleep. He hastily threw the covers away, got up and out of the room.

As soon as he opened the door, a voice interrupted his thoughts, “where to todd?”. Startled, he nervously replied, “You scared me Charlie what are you doing up?”

“couldn’t sleep, you?” they shared an agonizing look, and nuwanda knew.

“Still having that dream?” his friend nodded. “it’s been over a month I don’t think it’ll go away”

“don’t say that buddy, we’re gonna be okay” Charlie lied and put his hand on his Todd’s shoulder, guiding him inside.

Charlie looked like hell, shoulders down, dark circles under his eyes, but his eyes conveyed how truly woeful he felt. His eyes were dull, darker than normal, mirroring a despairing spirit; almost as if all light was sucked out of them. Almost as if all life was sucked out of him.

“How’s knox by the way?” todd asked trying to ignore the pain in his chest.

**Author's Note:**

> add me on twitter @imborinhoe


End file.
